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Baby Banter Milestone Cards | Funny Milestone Cards

GET A FREE NON SWEARY BUNDLE WITH EVERY PACK OF BANTER MILESTONE CARDS YOU BUY!! Saving you £9.99!! - To see the full range of non sweary milestones click here 


Our Banter Milestone Cards - Just to warn you they're NOT for the easily offended but they make a bloody brilliant gift!! You can even add the Babies name & DOB to the back of the cards.  Select from the drop down below to pick the Cards you want - the  description tells you which cards are in each bundle :)


Card Info

  • A6 glossy one sided card - Front is matt for you to write on
  • 40 cards in each bundle
  • 350gsm high card
  • Packed in a box



Baby Bundle 1 - Age Bundle: 

  • I'm born mother fuckers
  • 24 hours old and already the boss of the house
  • 2 days old & already getting more likes than you on Social Media
  • 1 week old bitches
  • 2 weeks old motherfuckers
  • 3 weeks old - is this getting boring yet
  • 4 weeks old and still no one gives a fuck
  • 1 Month ago I ruined Mummy's fanny
  • 5 weeks old - already hate other humans
  • Shout out to my Mum for having no sleep for 6 weeks
  • 2 months of no fucking sleep for my mum
  • Not sure how these twats have managed to keep me alive for 3 months
  • 4 months old & fucking iconic
  • 17 years and 8 months left until I move out I mean 4 months old today
  • 5 months old & already better looking than my parents
  • Half a motherfucking year old - Yaaas
  • 7 months of no sleep for my cunty Mum
  • 8 months old ya bastards
  • 9 months old & fucking fabulous
  • 10 months old today & already realised humans are cunts
  • 11 months old today - almost a geriatric. Help
  • I'm so sorry you've had to endure 12 months of these fucking pictures
  • 1 today and still a cunt
  • 2 today and still not fucking sleeping
  • OMG I survived 3 years!


Baby Bundle 2 - Other Bundle:

  • Bit my Mum's Nipple Today
  • Daddy asked the doctor to give Mummy an extra stitch... what a twat
  • Finally off the tit
  • Hello cunts
  • I got Mummy 9 months off work bitches 
  • I haven't let mummy sleep for a whole week
  • I kept my mum up all night
  • I pissed in mummies hair
  • I said my first word today & it was fucking "DAD"
  • I said my first word today & it was fucking "MUM"
  • I slept for a whole hour
  • I wasn't planned
  • I woke up like this… kidding I haven't been to sleep 
  • I'm a member of the no sleep club
  • I'm the reason mummy drinks
  • I'm the reason mummy pisses when she sneezes
  • I'm Iconic as fuck
  • I'm Fucking Fabulous
  • Last day of breastfeeding so mum can finally drink wine yaaaay
  • Met Santa for the first time didn't like him
  • My First Christmas it's not all it's cracked up to be
  • My Dad actually changed my nappy today... It's a miracle 
  • Ruined my mum's fanny still cute though
  • Refused to have my nappy changed today so here I am… sat in shit 
  • Said my first word today now I'll never shut the fuck up 
  • Today I ate solid food and made a fucking mess
  • Today I cried nonstop for no reason
  • Today I cut my first tooth thank fuck
  • Today I did an explosive shit
  • Today I did my first shit in the bath
  • Today I shit everywhere
  • Today I smiled for the first time I just needed a shit
  • Today I started bastard walking
  • Today I was a little twat
  • Today I'm being a little bastard because I'm teething
  • Today my mum realised I was just as Cunty she is 
  • Today I was a little cunt in public
  • You cunts better like this photo
  • Pissed on Daddy Today - Not even sorry 
  • Just ruined another fucking outfit 


Toddler Bundle 1 - Age Bundle:

  • Officially a toddler... & fucking fabulous!
  • Toddler aka the cock block
  • 1 year old & already a little cunt
  • 13 months old bitches 
  • 14 months old & fucking fabulous
  • 15 months old & loving life
  • 16 months old & already the best looking family member
  • 17 months old & fucking iconic
  • 18 months old mother fuckers
  • 18 months of making the house a fucking mess 
  • 19 months & already hate humans
  • 20 months old ya bastards
  • 21 months old – wish they’d stop counting in fucking months!
  • 22 months old & already planning lunch dates
  • 23 months – they might finally stop counting in months now
  • 2 years of stopping Daddy getting any action
  • Can you believe I've been alive for almost 2 fucking years?
  • 2 years old & already got more friends than my Mum
  • Here's to the terrible two's
  • Kept my mum awake for around 27 months – yaaaas
  • Its official I’ve been a little twat for 2 & a half years!
  • Not sure how these twats have managed to keep me alive for 29 bloody months
  • 3rd Christmas - already realising my parents are cheap bastards
  • 4 years of completely shit fridge art
  • 3 today & asking way too many fucking questions
  • 3 years old already got my parents running around after me like the fucking royalty
  • 3 & a half years of hell for my parents. But look how cute I am
  • 3rd year being alive & already attended 500 fucking parties
  • 4 years old & already getting more likes than you
  • 4 years old & still can't wipe my own arse 
  • 5 today and already the boss of the fucking house
  • 5 years ago I ruined Mummy's fanny
  • These dicks act like I think Santa's real - I'm 5 not stupid
  • Almost 5 and my Mum still doesn't have a fucking clue what she's doing 
  • 5 years old & this bitch is my slave 
  • ONE - OMG I'm ONE, No sleep for mummy, Excessive Shitter
  • TWO - Terrrible twos, whiny bastard, Officially cunty
  • THREE - Threenager, Hardly fucking sleeps, Rancid Shits, Extreme cock block, excessive snack eater
  • FOUR - Finally in school, Overly Needy, Unruly as Fuck, Really Fucking Spoiled
  • FIVE - Five going on Fifteen, Impossible to control, Very cunty, Eating Machine

Toddler Bundle 2 - Other Bundle:

  • Always fucking hangry
  • Calpol is my crack
  • Crawling wanker
  • First day of nursery – you cunts better like this photo
  • First day of potty training – wish mummy luck
  • First hair cut – Cried the whole fucking time
  • First trip to fucking A&E
  • Hate this bitches cooking
  • I can finally fucking walk
  • I cry for no fucking reason
  • I just shit my pants in public 
  • I made Mummy cry Today
  • I never let mummy take a piss in peace
  • I tried to eat my own poo today
  • I’m going to hate this photo when I’m 18
  • I’m the reason mummy swears a lot
  • I'm so fucking iconic
  • Look at me using a potty like a fucking genius
  • Look how grown up I am ya cunts
  • More shit fridge art
  • My Dad is well pissed off with me today
  • My first Holiday Mother fuckers
  • My tooth fell out – look how hideous I look
  • Night in with Daddy so mummy can get shit faced
  • Pissed my pants – still cute though
  • Stopped my Dad getting laid again last night
  • Stuck to mummy’s arse
  • Thank fuck I can’t read this yet
  • Today I cut my own hair
  • Today I pissed in the bath
  • Today I said my first swear word
  • Today I shit on the carpet
  • Today I tried to eat another child in nursery
  • Today I was a little shit in nursery
  • Today I was a little twat at the supermarket
  • Today I wiped my own arse & failed
  • Today I’m a miserable twat because I was up all night
  • Tooth Fairy came mother fuckers
  • WHY? WHY? MUM WHY?
  • Wish these cunts would stop taking photos of me
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